New Teacher Orientation was more rigorous than most of my college classes. Of course that could be because I really CARED about orientation. I can hear the ruffling feathers of my former college profs out there, so calm down and let me explain. There is a HUGE difference in learning because you are ready to learn and learning because someone told you to BE ready to learn. This was just one of the many valuable lessons that whacked me upside the head like a warm iron skillet.
I went straight to college after high school because that is what I was supposed to do. Truth be told, I wanted to pack up my clothes in the trunk of my old Chevy Malibu and take off across the country, writing poetry, taking pictures, working when I needed to pay rent or buy more paper or film. But I was not the rebel then that I am now, and so I went straight to college. And promptly rebelled against education in the only way I knew how to: I ignored my nature.
I knew by the time I was 6 years old that I was supposed to be a teacher. But in my teenage-angst-flannel-grunge philosophy, I rejected it. When you're young and convinced you are out of control of your own life, you tend to get wreckless. I got wreckless with my future; I got angry at my passion; I turned my back on myself.
And I floundered and flopped for about 16 years. From job to job, career to career, paycheck to paycheck. Everything I did circled around becoming a teacher, kind of like a little kid at their own birthday party circles the cake, knowing it is intended for them but still leary at the thought of what their actions may bring.
But here I am, face first in the cake. Past the rebellion, past the floundering and floating, past the circling... here I am and in a week or so I will go back to school and probably feel many of the same emotions: anticipation, nervousness, indifference, and excitement tinged with shock that I would be excited. The only difference is that this time, I'm on the other side of the desk!
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